Over a month ago, I decided to try OkCupid. I honestly didn’t think anything beneficial would come from it, I was quite skeptical that it would work for me. I filled out my profile, uploaded my photos, and waited for my line of eligible bachelors to start knocking at my virtual door. Guys came with their horrible pick-up lines and hook-up invitations, and some were genuinely interesting guys that I enjoyed talking to.
One guy in particular stuck out to me. His words soothed me and excited me in a way I didn’t understand. We made a date and he even came to pick me up. The chemistry between us was blatantly obvious. He took me to a nice dinner, we talked for hours, he took me to the top of a condominium building to see the night time Downtown Tampa skyline, we made out, he danced with me on that tower, and he took me home to his place. Literally the most romantic first date I have ever had with a stranger (ok, the only date I’ve ever had with a stranger, but it couldn’t have been more perfect).
Now, I am not the type of girl who ever saw myself sleeping with someone on the first night of meeting them. EVER. But I couldn’t resist him or the feelings I had. But back to the story.
He took me home the next morning, and I was all smiles. But as the days passed, something changed. He would call me or text me, and I wouldn’t be as excited to talk to him. I couldn’t get other people out of my mind. He eventually took me out on another date to a Lightning Playoff Game watch party at a local bar. He was so into me, but I didn’t want it. I didn’t understand why I felt so differently towards him. Even kissing him felt like I was kissing a stranger, it didn’t give me butterflies like it did the first night.
I eventually decided my feelings changed because 1) the adrenaline of the first night was mistaken for love and chemistry, and 2) because I still wanted to be with James. It wouldn’t have been fair for me to try and make something work with this boy if I still have feelings for my ex and still hang on to the small shred of hope that he may want me back one day.
Don’t get me wrong, this boy is still a sweetheart and I will never forget my time with him. But he definitely deserves someone who will idolize him the way he did me, and someone who won’t drag him down emotionally or financially, like I sadly would.
But since then, I have deactivated my account and am working on me. I’ll find my man/woman one day, and we will live happily ever after.